Soup
by Light1
Summary: With Walter sick who will make lunch?


**Soup**

Disclaimer: Hellsing belongs people who are not me. I am making £0.00 out of this fic; it is written purely because I have a burning need to create. Although I would like to own Alucard . . . Then he'd be mine.

Rating: PG-13

Authoress Note: I was bored. Again.

 _Italics mean flashbacks or thoughts_

* \/ * /\ * \/ * /\ *

 **Soup**

"I'm not sick," Walter said.

"Walter you're swaying," Integra said. "You look like you're about to pass out."

"You do look terrible Walter," Seras said. "You're sweating a lot."

"I will order you to bed if I have to," Integra said.

"I'm perfectly fine sir, now let me collect your ..." Walter stepped forward to lift the tray that was sitting on Integra's desk, but as he stepped forward his legs crumpled under him. Integra rose to her feet as Walter fell and Seras darted forward, but Walter would have hit the ground if a long arm had not appeared around the butler's chest pulling him back before he could touch the ground. Alucard led the elderly butler back a step before he let him go. Walter crumpled into a chair.

"You smell terrible," Alucard said emerging from the shadows of Integra's office.

"You'd smell bad as well if you were sick," Integra said firmly.

"I'm not sick, I was just lightheaded for a moment," Walter said, his words were slurred and his speech slow.

"You are," Seras said. "You smell sick." Alucard leant forwards and ran his nose over the top of Walter's head. Walter went to push the master vampire away but his effort was weak, and his hand didn't reach the vampire.

"Alucard," Integra said. "Take Walter to his room; lock him in if you have to."

"But lunch still needs ..." Walter said slowly.

"I'll sort lunch Walter, don't worry," Sears called as Alucard lifted the ageing human and vanished in a swirl of shadows. "Poor Walter."

"Indeed, he's too stubborn," Integra said. "He's been sick for a few days now. Every time he gets sick it's like this."

"He loves his job," Seras said, Integra huffed. "He does, he cares about you. But you're right he is stubborn to stay working when he's so ill. I will take over his duties as much as I can."

"He does a lot," Integra said smiling.

"I know, I'm glad to help, but you might need to tell me some of his jobs. All I ever see him do is cook and make tea," Seras said.

"I'll give you a list," Integra's smile widened. "But for now lunch is due in an hour."

"Yes sir," Seras stood to attention briefly before escaping to the kitchen. As she left Alucard returned, rising through the floor.

"Walter is ok?" Integra said sitting back down.

"He passed out before I set him down," Alucard said. "He's in bed now; he'll rest until morning at least."

"Good," Integra said. "Seras is making lunch. You might want to keep an eye on her, her enthusiasm is admirable, but I cannot pretend I am not concerned."

"You want me to make sure she cooks lunch properly?" Alucard laughed. "I did not cook even when I was mortal."

"Just make sure nothing goes on fire," Integra said. Alucard shrugged and headed out towards the kitchen.

Upon entering the kitchen, he spotted Seras standing next to the cooker, a large pot already on the boil. The water inside was an odd golden colour. It smelled like chicken and something he could not identify.

"It's not a very edible colour," he leant over Seras' shoulder as she tipped chopped carrots into the soup.

"You're just saying that because it's not red," Seras muttered turning back to the chopping board. "Now be quiet and stir it, I don't want it to burn."

"It is water, how can it burn?" Alucard muttered but nudged the wooden ladle sitting in the pot. Seras smirked hearing him mutter under his breath but gasped when she turned around to see him tipping chopped tomatoes, ketchup and chilli powder into the large pot.

"That's a bit better," Alucard smirked.

"What the hell are you doing! Where did you get those?" Seras shouted, dropping the knife in her hand she stalked over to her master who stepped back from the pot and began to wander around the kitchen looking in the cupboards. Seras sniffed the concoction. "Eww, you made it gross." Seras lifted the pot off the heat and carried it to the sink; she tipped the liquid away and tipped the solid contents into the bin. "Now I have to start over, get the chicken stock cubes from the cupboard by the fridge." She filled the pot with water and took it back to the cooker. After a moment she felt her master tap her shoulder and hand her something. Glancing at it she sighed, it wasn't chicken stock cubes, it was sugar cubes. "What are you doing?"

"Making it better," he answered, before turning and rummaging in another cupboard, looking suspiciously at a jar of pickled beetroot he paused for a moment before shaking his head and putting it back on the shelf.

"This isn't your food!" Seras said. "It's for Sir Integra! She might not want it red; she will want it to taste nice." Alucard paused as if only just realising this.

"Oh?" he said. "So..."

"It's supposed to be chicken soup," Seras said going to the cupboard, collecting the stock cubes and heading back to the pot, she opened two and dropped them into the slowly simmering water. "It needs stock, rice, carrots, the cooked chicken from the fridge and lentils." Alucard watched her for a few minutes, and when the pot started bubbling again, he took over his old job of stirring by occasionally prodding the ladle before he became bored wandered off, rummaging in the cupboards again. Seras was pleasantly surprised when he handed her a packet of lentils; maybe he had finally got the message. She revised that opinion when she turned around and saw him tipping tea bags into the pot.

"Integra likes tea!" he snapped when she all but shrieked at him. Seras took a few deep breaths.

"I know you've been dead a while," she said slowly, Alucard looked offended. "But you cannot be this dense!"

"Oi," the master vampire snapped.

"You're just trying to wind me up," Seras said. "No one would think tea bags could go in soup." She continued to breathe steadily. "You're having a laugh at my expense."

"Well then Jamie Oliver, tell me, Integra likes tea, Integra is going to eat Soup, why can the two not go together." Alucard huffed. Seras watched him in silence for a moment, trying to figure out if he was teasing her. He wasn't, or at least it didn't seem that way. He was that dense.

"They just don't," she sighed. "It tastes bad."

"It all tastes bad," Alucard argued.

"All the caffeine would have a negative effect," Seras sighed, pinching her nose

"So food has to be good for you?" Alucard raised an eyebrow, Seras started to nod but stopped remembering all the times she'd eaten burgers several times a day, more than three days a week.

"It doesn't have to be, but it is better if it is," she said eventually. Alucard pondered this for a few moments before being swallowed by shadows. Seras smiled, thinking he had gone to ponder this discovery.

She was wrong. Again.

He returned after a few moments, but he did not speak to her. Instead, he went around rummaging in the fridge and cupboards, gathering bits and pieces. Seras watched as he wandered back over to the pot, arms filled with different things. She moved out of the way politely when he made a small huff in her general direction; then proceeded to watch him make soup.

A whole lettuce went in with a quiet plop, followed by an upturned packet of multivitamins, a nicotine patch, a potato, a small tuna steak, and finally, she watched as he emptied a tube of whitening toothpaste into the pot.

"O.k," she said realising she had just let him do that. "Why?"

"Salad is good for humans, vitamins are always good, she smokes too much, potatoes are a vegetable those are supposed to be good, tuna is full of something that's good or so Walter says, and I'm sure she would like white teeth." He explained looking pleased with himself.

"It should also have something she would like in it," Seras couldn't help herself from saying it, morbid curiosity moved her, she genuinely wanted to see what else he would put in it. She smiled widely when he vanished and reappeared moments later with a small packet of gun power and dropped it into the pot.

"She likes things that explode," he said as if it was obvious.

"Next time I cook, I'm going to use two pots, one for me one for you," Seras said. Alucard lifted an eyebrow. "One for Integra to eat and another for you to ruin."

"You don't think she'd eat this," Alucard looked genuinely puzzled; Seras looked at the still bubbling pot, a sodden teabag glooped to the surface making a satisfying popping sound.

"No, I don't think she will."

 **End Ficlet**

Authoress Note: Random. I know I know.

Please Review.

For information on published works and upcoming projects, release dates as well as weekly blogs check out www . katiemariewriter . co . uk


End file.
